Church thought grazing sheep would keep graveyard clean - wrong!

This story from England makes the movie title 'I spit on your grave' sound mild:

As a way to save money at a village churchyard, it had seemed like a splendid idea.

But a scheme to let loose a flock of sheep in a graveyard to keep the grass down has backfired, after they grazed on floral tributes and mementoes left for loved ones.

The ten ewes were introduced to Holy Trinity Church in the aptly-named village of Grazeley, Berkshire, because the parochial council said it could no longer afford anyone to mow the lawn.

Vic Jerrom, who has several generations of ancestors buried there, described the damage as 'very disrespectful' to those laid to rest.
"It's a mess, the sheep are grazing on the graves and of course there is sheep droppings everywhere. It's despicable" he said.

Crabby old lady found guilty of pouring dog poo over head of cyclist who rode to close to her

What a crappy bag:

A pensioner tipped a bag of dog excrement over a Cambridge University lecturer as he cycled past her.
Retired civil servant Susan Currall, 75, was fed up with cyclists "hurtling" towards her as she walked her four-year-old lurcher called Rosie near her home, Cambridge Magistrates' Court heard.
She swung the bag of faeces at Michael Ramage, the director of studies for architecture at Sidney Sussex College, as she believed he was cycling too close to her.
She then held up the bag to allow the contents to spill over the American-born lecturer as he tried to pass her on a path on September 12, said prosecutor Paul Brown.
Mr Ramage, 40, later made a complaint to police and Currall was quizzed by officers at her home in Trumpington, Cambridge.
She admitted a charge of assault by beating and was given a one year conditional discharge and ordered to pay £100 costs and £25 compensation to Mr Ramage to cover his dry cleaning bill.
The court heard how the confrontation happened on a dual-use path shared by cyclists and pedestrians alongside the allotments and the guided busway in Trumpington.
She claimed that she was "provoked" by Mr Ramage, who also lives in Trumpington, because he got too close to her.
The court heard how Currall had no previous convictions, but had received two cautions for common assault and criminal damage in 2007 following a dispute with a neighbour.
Currall said after the hearing: "It is ridiculous that this case ended up in court. A lot of people will be applauding me for what I did because cyclists can be such a pain in the neck.

Like I said: a crappy bag.

Facebook Nixes Talk of Faggots and Peas in the Black Country

First the terminology: the Black Country is an area of the English West Midlands, north and west of Birmingham and south and east of Wolverhampton.

As for fag and faggot, in England a fag is a cigarette, whereas faggot is a traditional dish made from pork, often pig's heart, liver, belly meat and/or bacon all minced together and served with peas.

Keeping that last bit in mind, perhaps Facebook's decision would be more understandable if nutritional concerns were behind it.

Regardless, here's the tale of a Facebook user in Britain who has been persecuted due to her waxing poetic online about Mr. Brain's Faggots and Peas:

Wendy Jones from Cradley Heath was one of the first people to learn that people were being banned for referring to ‘faggots’.
She said: “I couldn’t believe it when I heard people were being banned. We were only talking about the food we loved. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous.”
And she claimed members had also been banned for saying they were from the Black Country, as it contravenes the website’s policy on racist posts.
“All of my family love faggots and peas and we are always having them,” added the 45-year-old mother-of-six. “I think something needs to be done, as people will just keep getting banned.”
Another regular user who says she was banned was Janet Wilkinson, also from Tipton.
She said: “Faggots have been around for more than 100 years and while I appreciate it may have a different meaning in other countries, to us it’s just a type of food.”
A spokesman for Facebook claimed a single post had been removed due to an error, adding no-one should have been banned and all users should find their accounts back up.

If you are curious about how to prepare the cardiac arresting dish, here's a BBC video clip of the late chef Keith Floyd mincing away with the Faggot King in a kitchen full of lovely, hot faggots:

By the way, Keith Floyd was a chain smoking, hard drinking TV chef, who died from a heart attack on September 14, 2009 only a few hours after a lunch to celebrate being given the all clear from bowel cancer.

Bon appetit! 

Bride-to-be scarred in face by flying beer glass forced to delay wedding after beer garden brawl

An awful story from Hessle, England:

Claire Hawley, 33, has been left scarred for life after she was struck in the face with a beer glass at Corner House in Hessle town center.

So severe was the injury, she delayed booking her dream wedding in Cyprus, fearing the strong sunlight would make the scar worse...

Claire had only popped into Corner House for half a pint of cider during a day out with her mum. She was standing in the smoking area, speaking to an old friend, when a fight broke out between a large gang of men behind her.

Claire claims she saw Daniel Buttle, 19, being "battered all over" by another man when he launched the glass to defend himself. Laborer Buttle missed his attacker and, instead, struck Claire in the face.

The glass smashed, causing a large, deep cut from her eyebrow to her nose. Her forehead was also severely swollen and she had black eyes. She was taken to Hull Royal Infirmary where she had 17 stitches before she was eventually discharged at 6am the following morning.

She's very forgiving:

"The kid threw the glass to get out of a situation he couldn't get out of," she said. "He shouldn't have but he was scared and he panicked. I know he didn't aim for me and I don't blame him.

"I haven't let it faze me about going out but, I do think it would be safer if bars served drinks in plastic glasses. No matter where you are, there will always be one person who wants to cause trouble. If he had been holding a plastic glass, this wouldn't have happened."

Now, after Buttle, of Cottesmore Road, Hessle, appeared at Hull Crown Court for unlawful wounding, Claire and her fiancé, electrician Gary Pullen, 35, are looking forward to tying the knot in Cyprus next year...

Buttle narrowly avoided jail and was given a 16-month prison sentence, suspended for two years. He will also pay Claire £500 compensation and complete 120 hours of unpaid work in the community.

Victim and surgeon call for plastic glasses in pubs.

Now, plastic surgeon Nick Hart is backing her plea for new laws banning glasses in bars to be introduced. He said: "In my experience, the number of glassing cases does seem to be on the rise, especially in the past few years.

"People don't seem to just have a few drinks anymore – they're out to get plastered and can't remember anything that happened the next day. I think legislation should be brought in so that all bars give out drinks in plastic containers."...

Dr Hart said injuries from glass attacks can range from minor scarring to serious permanent damage. He said: "Injuries from glassings can be incredibly devastating and distressing for the victims. It can leave you deformed, glass can strike nerves and paralyse your face and if it strikes your eyeball it can damage your sight."

He said scarring is inevitable when someone's face is cut by a glass. "If it is a small cut and is stitched up quickly, you can be left with a very fine scar," he said. "But if it is left gaping and isn't seen to immediately, things can be more difficult and you can be left with heavy scarring that even make-up can't cover.

"It is awful this lady had to postpone her wedding. It shows how devastating these things can be."

Mystery surrounds death of 37-year-old man who collapsed after opening ‘Pandora’s box’

A strange, and rather sad, story from Carlisle, England:

Jason Airey was found slumped unconscious by his parents in the bedroom of their Carlisle home in May this year. A box bearing the words ‘Pandora’s box’ was beside him.

An inquest into his death heard how no drugs were found in his system and the box – which bore the inscription in red letters – contained unused synthetic cannabis. Coroner Robert Chapman said a post mortem showed Jason’s heart had stopped beating, causing his organs to fail – but they would probably never know why. He never regained consciousness and died in the Cumberland Infirmary two days later.

His father, Dennis Airey, told the inquest that Jason had been in a happy mood when he returned to the family home in Crossways, Harraby, on May 2.

“He was just his normal self,” he said. “He had been shopping and said he was going upstairs to get changed.”

[A short while later he] found his son slumped on his knees, face down. Paramedics and an ambulance was called and Mr Airey started CPR, he said. The paramedics worked on Jason for an hour before he was taken to hospital.

His father said he found “a little packet” inside ‘Pandora’s box’ and thought it was cannabis but “it didn’t smell”. Mr Chapman said tests later revealed it was synthetic cannabis.

“I thought [the box] had just been opened,” Mr Airey said.

Mr Chapman said toxicology tests had found no trace of drugs in Jason’s system and ruled that he died of natural causes.

Discount store threatens to ban woman for taking photos of a tacky $5 Christmas sweater

The Christmas kitsch that started all the trouble.

Primark is an Irish clothing retailer, operating in Austria, Belgium, Germany, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, the Netherlands and the United Kingdom. It sells clothes at the budget end of the market. Its main competition is that of other cut-price clothing retailers; such as supermarket lines.

Think Target or K-Mart quality.

Recently a Primark shopper in South East London was told she was banned from the store for taking a photo with her cell phone of the awful sweater shown above. 

According to News Shopper, 25 year-old "Jade-Marie Harman popped into the Bexleyheath Broadway store 'on the off chance' when she stumbled across the clothing store’s latest range of festive clothing."

Harman told the paper, "I thought they were so cheap at £3 so I took a picture to show my friend. The next thing I know, I hear a voice shout ‘you can't take photos in here, it's against the law.’

"She said she was a floor manager and said if I carry on taking photos I'll be banned from the store. I explained as to why I took the photo and that I was purchasing the items anyway."

Probably due to that warm customer service, Harman actually bought not one but two of the ghastly items

Harman recounted the rest of the story: "When I got out the lift a massive security guard came up to me and said ‘you need to come with me for a moment.’

"Everyone around me was looking at me because they think I have nicked something.

 "He said ‘you are banned from Primark.’

"I was crying my eyes out. There was snot coming out my nose in the middle of the street - I felt like the scum of the earth."

(By the way, nice touch about the snot, Jade-Marie!)

"So many people go out shopping and think ‘I will show my mum that’ or they Facebook the pictures. I just saw this Christmas jumper with Mr Christmas on the front of it. I just thought it was a bargain and it was really cute."

According to Hartman, after an hour of arguing, she finally got to speak with the store manager who apologized to her and lifted the store ban before it could even begin.

(How do they enforce those store bans anyway? Post banned-shopper mug shots at all entrances?)

Harman sans snot outside Primark in Bexleyheath.

News Shopper also reported that a Primark spokesman was unavailable to comment. That's understandable. I'm sure they'd all like to forget the ugly incident  – especially the image of a snot-nosed Hartman  in the middle of the street.

Not pretty.

Man who nearly drowned in sea ‘probably saved by beers,’ paramedics say, but coast guard insist 'don’t go swimming if you have been drinking'

Conflicting messages from authorities in Kent, England:

A man left close to death after leaping from the Herne Bay pier into the sea may have been saved by the eight beers he drank before jumping.

He and a pal stripped to their underwear and plunged into the cold water after a drinking session. But the foolish pair had to be rescued by emergency crews after struggling for 45 minutes to get ashore. 

One of the men was pulled to safety with a life ring by police, while the other, who had lost consciousness, was dragged in by coastguard deputy station manager Matt Stickels. He says the hapless duo are lucky to be alive.

“They were so cold and had been in the water for about 45 minutes. If someone hadn’t thrown in the life rings, then in my experience it would’ve ended in a fatality.

“I went in to get the second man because I didn’t know how long it would take for the lifeboat to arrive. He had had eight cans of beer. The paramedics said that it probably kept him alive, because his body had slowed down so much that it might have helped him.

“He was in an unconscious state. The ambulance team had to be careful and keep him horizontal because he was prone to a heart attack.

“We want to get across the important warning – don’t go swimming if you have been drinking.”

Wait, now I get it: don't go swimming if you've been drinking unless you've had enough to keep you unconscious until the coast guard and paramedics arrive.

Source: Kent Online

Baby abandoned in Birmingham named Jade after dog that found her (Video)

This video clip of baby Jade was released by the West Midlands Police. Here's the story from the BBC:

Jade, who has been named by hospital staff, was found in a bag wrapped in a towel at a community park in Stechford, Birmingham, on Thursday afternoon. The girl, who weighs about 6lbs (2.7kg), remains in hospital and should make a full recovery over the next two days, West Midlands Police said.

Roger Wilday, whose German shepherd dog found Jade, said he was proud of her. The baby was thought to be about 24 hours old when she was found at about 14:00 GMT on Thursday and believed to have been there for about 30 minutes before being discovered...

Mr Wilday said he had been walking Jade the dog when the animal was attracted to some bushes in the park off Stuarts Road..

"I was just coming back [out of the park] and Jade went to some bushes and she wouldn't come back to me... I went to look and saw a carrier bag in the bushes and it moved," he said.
"I thought, 'what's that?' and heard a cry and so I looked in the bag and it was a baby in there."...

After making the discovery, he contacted a friend who called the police. Mr Wilday was told by them to pick the baby up and he was then met by officers in the park.

Roger Wilday said it very "lucky" his dog found the baby when she did

"If she had been there overnight, I think she might have died... I think my dog saved the baby's life. I'm very proud of her."

He appealed to the mother to come forward and contact police and said he hoped to visit Jade in the coming days.

Bus ads featuring zombies investigated after complaints they are too scary

Apparently there are a bunch of scaredy cats in West Sussex, England this Halloween:

A Halloween bus advertisement for the Tulleys Farm Shocktober Fest featuring a zombie covered in blood has been criticised for being too scary.

The Advertising Standards Authority is investigating the banner, which is on the side of more than 100 buses, to see if any rules have been broken after receiving several complaints.

The advert, for the visitor attraction in Turners Hill, Crawley, West Sussex, can be seen on buses travelling through Crawley, Croydon and Kingston upon Thames, as well as Tunbridge Wells in Kent.

Stuart Beare, organiser of the Tulleys Farm Shocktober Fest event, said they had not intended to offend anyone with the advert.

He said: "The image of the zombie girl on our advertising is no worse than many images you'll see at this time of year in newspapers and magazines, on the Halloween costumes in the supermarket aisles and even on kids' TV programmes."

I've seen scarier in my bathroom mirror after a night on the town.

Source: The Argus

Drugged chocolates? Razor blades in apples? Here's what 'the world’s leading authority on poisoned Halloween candy' says:

Not so much. That's according to self-professed expert, Joel Best professor of sociology and criminal justice at the University of Delaware:

"I became skeptical about Halloween sadism while I was a grad student. I couldn’t understand what would lead someone to hand out poisoned Halloween candy. When I’d say this to my friends, they’d be outraged: 'Of course people do that! That’s just what people like that do!'

"Eventually, I decided to test this. I figured that a child killed by a poisoned treat would be a big news story, so I looked at 25 years of Halloween coverage in The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times and the Chicago Tribune—the most prominent papers in the nation’s three biggest urban areas. I could not find a single report of a child who had been killed or seriously injured by a contaminated treat picked up on the course of trick-or-treating.

"To be sure, one boy had died after his father gave him poisoned candy. Presumably, his father figured that so many kids were poisoned by Halloween maniacs that the death wouldn’t arouse suspicion. He was wrong on both counts and was arrested, convicted and eventually executed. The story of that poisoning—in Texas, a long way from New York, L.A. or Chicago—made all three papers, and reports of a couple other deaths were followed by retractions. One little boy had gotten into his uncle’s heroin stash and so on. That the press hadn’t covered any cases seemed telling.

"I published my results in 1985 in a sociology journal and wrote a shorter piece for Psychology Today...  Each year, I update my research and post the new version on the UD library’s UDSpace [UD’s institutional repository], but my conclusions haven’t changed... My data now cover more than 50 years, and I still haven’t found a documented case of a child who was seriously harmed by a contaminated treat. I can’t say it has never happened; after all, logicians tell us that it is impossible to prove a negative. But I can say with great confidence that it isn’t common. Nonetheless, people still worry...

"I’ve come to realize that, regardless of how much attention my research receives, some people won’t be convinced. An urban legend is harder to kill than a vampire."

Here's a link to Professor Best's research: Halloween Sadism: the evidence.

Have a happy and safe Halloween!

Source: Insurance Jouirnal