This Exists: Christmas Dinner in a Can

In the UK:

It’s called the Christmas Tinner and consists of nine layers of processed festive food, as demonstrated in the picture below. Apparently the chain has actually trialled this product in its Basingstoke store and is considering a national rollout “if there is enough gamer demand”.
How said “demand” will be measured remains unspecified. Although we do know that it will cost £1.99 per tin if it comes to fruition.
A “without sprouts” variant is available for those who dislike brussel sprouts. But like the idea of an entire Christmas dinner in a tin.

Child taken from womb by social services

Big Brother at work in the UK:

A pregnant woman has had her baby forcibly removed by caesarean section by social workers.
Essex social services obtained a High Court order against the woman that allowed her to be forcibly sedated and her child to be taken from her womb.
The council said it was acting in the best interests of the woman, an Italian who was in Britain on a work trip, because she had suffered a mental breakdown. The baby girl, now 15 months old, is still in the care of social services, who are refusing to give her back to the mother, even though she claims to have made a full recovery.
The case has developed into an international legal row, with lawyers for the woman describing it as “unprecedented”.
They claim that even if the council had been acting in the woman’s best interests, officials should have consulted her family beforehand and also involved Italian social services, who would be better-placed to look after the child.
Brendan Fleming, the woman’s British lawyer, told The Sunday Telegraph: “I have never heard of anything like this in all my 40 years in the job.
“I can understand if someone is very ill that they may not be able to consent to a medical procedure, but a forced caesarean is unprecedented.
“If there were concerns about the care of this child by an Italian mother, then the better plan would have been for the authorities here to have notified social services in Italy and for the child to have been taken back there.”
The case, reported by Christopher Booker in his column in The Sunday Telegraph, raises fresh questions about the extent of social workers’ powers.
It will be raised in Parliament this week by John Hemming, a Liberal Democrat MP. He chairs the Public Family Law Reform Coordinating Campaign, which wants reform and greater openness in court proceedings involving family matters.

Church elder suspended from parish for transporting rams on a Sunday

From Scotland:

Calum Macleod was rapped by fellow members of the Free Church of Scotland (Continuing) (FCC), who oppose Sabbath ferry sailings.
The ram breeder made the Sunday trip back to Stornoway, Isle of Lewis, after missing his Saturday boat home from a market in Ullapool.
The ram breeder reported himself to kirk bosses on his return.
The hardline FCC is among the few churches which claim using Sunday transport to the islands cannot ever be justified. When Sunday ferries to Stornoway began in July 2009, and Sunday flights back in July 2002, it was mainly the FCC which turned out to protest with banners and to sing psalms.
Stornoway FCC minister Rev Graeme Craig, who is also interim moderator for the Knock and Point congregation, confirmed: "After considering the matter carefully and sympathetically, Mr Macleod was suspended from office and membership for one month.

Gotta' draw the line somewhere.

Stampeding cows trample woman on treasure hunt

From Lincoln, England:

A woman is in intensive care after she was trampled by a herd of cows during a hi-tech geocaching treasure hunt.
Nurse Sarah Leonard, 59, suffered severe injuries in the incident, including broken arms, a broken collarbone, broken jaw and several broken ribs.
​Despite her injuries, Miss Leonard managed to dial 999 herself. But because she couldn't give her exact location, it took emergency services half an hour to rush to her aid. It happened in a field off Church Lane at North Scarle, eight miles from Lincoln city center... Miss Leonard, from Norton near Sheffield, was with her dog Megs when the drama unfolded at 3.25pm on Saturday, November 16.
Geocaching involves hiding a small waterproof box containing a logbook and a pen, recording its co-ordinates and logging its location on a website. Another cacher will see the listing, enter the co-ordinates into their GPS receiver and go in search of it. The Geocaching Association of Great Britain's (GAGB) code of conduct simply states: "Respect property rights and seek permission where appropriate."

Church thought grazing sheep would keep graveyard clean - wrong!

This story from England makes the movie title 'I spit on your grave' sound mild:

As a way to save money at a village churchyard, it had seemed like a splendid idea.

But a scheme to let loose a flock of sheep in a graveyard to keep the grass down has backfired, after they grazed on floral tributes and mementoes left for loved ones.

The ten ewes were introduced to Holy Trinity Church in the aptly-named village of Grazeley, Berkshire, because the parochial council said it could no longer afford anyone to mow the lawn.

Vic Jerrom, who has several generations of ancestors buried there, described the damage as 'very disrespectful' to those laid to rest.
"It's a mess, the sheep are grazing on the graves and of course there is sheep droppings everywhere. It's despicable" he said.

Crabby old lady found guilty of pouring dog poo over head of cyclist who rode to close to her

What a crappy bag:

A pensioner tipped a bag of dog excrement over a Cambridge University lecturer as he cycled past her.
Retired civil servant Susan Currall, 75, was fed up with cyclists "hurtling" towards her as she walked her four-year-old lurcher called Rosie near her home, Cambridge Magistrates' Court heard.
She swung the bag of faeces at Michael Ramage, the director of studies for architecture at Sidney Sussex College, as she believed he was cycling too close to her.
She then held up the bag to allow the contents to spill over the American-born lecturer as he tried to pass her on a path on September 12, said prosecutor Paul Brown.
Mr Ramage, 40, later made a complaint to police and Currall was quizzed by officers at her home in Trumpington, Cambridge.
She admitted a charge of assault by beating and was given a one year conditional discharge and ordered to pay £100 costs and £25 compensation to Mr Ramage to cover his dry cleaning bill.
The court heard how the confrontation happened on a dual-use path shared by cyclists and pedestrians alongside the allotments and the guided busway in Trumpington.
She claimed that she was "provoked" by Mr Ramage, who also lives in Trumpington, because he got too close to her.
The court heard how Currall had no previous convictions, but had received two cautions for common assault and criminal damage in 2007 following a dispute with a neighbour.
Currall said after the hearing: "It is ridiculous that this case ended up in court. A lot of people will be applauding me for what I did because cyclists can be such a pain in the neck.

Like I said: a crappy bag.

Facebook Nixes Talk of Faggots and Peas in the Black Country

First the terminology: the Black Country is an area of the English West Midlands, north and west of Birmingham and south and east of Wolverhampton.

As for fag and faggot, in England a fag is a cigarette, whereas faggot is a traditional dish made from pork, often pig's heart, liver, belly meat and/or bacon all minced together and served with peas.

Keeping that last bit in mind, perhaps Facebook's decision would be more understandable if nutritional concerns were behind it.

Regardless, here's the tale of a Facebook user in Britain who has been persecuted due to her waxing poetic online about Mr. Brain's Faggots and Peas:

Wendy Jones from Cradley Heath was one of the first people to learn that people were being banned for referring to ‘faggots’.
She said: “I couldn’t believe it when I heard people were being banned. We were only talking about the food we loved. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous.”
And she claimed members had also been banned for saying they were from the Black Country, as it contravenes the website’s policy on racist posts.
“All of my family love faggots and peas and we are always having them,” added the 45-year-old mother-of-six. “I think something needs to be done, as people will just keep getting banned.”
Another regular user who says she was banned was Janet Wilkinson, also from Tipton.
She said: “Faggots have been around for more than 100 years and while I appreciate it may have a different meaning in other countries, to us it’s just a type of food.”
A spokesman for Facebook claimed a single post had been removed due to an error, adding no-one should have been banned and all users should find their accounts back up.

If you are curious about how to prepare the cardiac arresting dish, here's a BBC video clip of the late chef Keith Floyd mincing away with the Faggot King in a kitchen full of lovely, hot faggots:

By the way, Keith Floyd was a chain smoking, hard drinking TV chef, who died from a heart attack on September 14, 2009 only a few hours after a lunch to celebrate being given the all clear from bowel cancer.

Bon appetit! 

Bride-to-be scarred in face by flying beer glass forced to delay wedding after beer garden brawl

An awful story from Hessle, England:

Claire Hawley, 33, has been left scarred for life after she was struck in the face with a beer glass at Corner House in Hessle town center.

So severe was the injury, she delayed booking her dream wedding in Cyprus, fearing the strong sunlight would make the scar worse...

Claire had only popped into Corner House for half a pint of cider during a day out with her mum. She was standing in the smoking area, speaking to an old friend, when a fight broke out between a large gang of men behind her.

Claire claims she saw Daniel Buttle, 19, being "battered all over" by another man when he launched the glass to defend himself. Laborer Buttle missed his attacker and, instead, struck Claire in the face.

The glass smashed, causing a large, deep cut from her eyebrow to her nose. Her forehead was also severely swollen and she had black eyes. She was taken to Hull Royal Infirmary where she had 17 stitches before she was eventually discharged at 6am the following morning.

She's very forgiving:

"The kid threw the glass to get out of a situation he couldn't get out of," she said. "He shouldn't have but he was scared and he panicked. I know he didn't aim for me and I don't blame him.

"I haven't let it faze me about going out but, I do think it would be safer if bars served drinks in plastic glasses. No matter where you are, there will always be one person who wants to cause trouble. If he had been holding a plastic glass, this wouldn't have happened."

Now, after Buttle, of Cottesmore Road, Hessle, appeared at Hull Crown Court for unlawful wounding, Claire and her fiancé, electrician Gary Pullen, 35, are looking forward to tying the knot in Cyprus next year...

Buttle narrowly avoided jail and was given a 16-month prison sentence, suspended for two years. He will also pay Claire £500 compensation and complete 120 hours of unpaid work in the community.

Victim and surgeon call for plastic glasses in pubs.

Now, plastic surgeon Nick Hart is backing her plea for new laws banning glasses in bars to be introduced. He said: "In my experience, the number of glassing cases does seem to be on the rise, especially in the past few years.

"People don't seem to just have a few drinks anymore – they're out to get plastered and can't remember anything that happened the next day. I think legislation should be brought in so that all bars give out drinks in plastic containers."...

Dr Hart said injuries from glass attacks can range from minor scarring to serious permanent damage. He said: "Injuries from glassings can be incredibly devastating and distressing for the victims. It can leave you deformed, glass can strike nerves and paralyse your face and if it strikes your eyeball it can damage your sight."

He said scarring is inevitable when someone's face is cut by a glass. "If it is a small cut and is stitched up quickly, you can be left with a very fine scar," he said. "But if it is left gaping and isn't seen to immediately, things can be more difficult and you can be left with heavy scarring that even make-up can't cover.

"It is awful this lady had to postpone her wedding. It shows how devastating these things can be."

Police thank Batman, Robin, David Hasselhoff, and a giant Smurf for their help nabbing suspect. Really.

From Scotland's East Lothian Police Twitter account:

No you didn't mis-read it:

"Thank you to Batman, Robin, Robin's Dad, a Smurf, and the Hoff for helping us on Friday night. #Tesco, sorry about the toilet roll aisle."

Then yesterday they clarified things – a little:

"Robin assaulted, police called, collective assisted our foot chase, minor upset to shelving in tescos during arrest, you couldn't script it!"

Turns out a man dressed as the Boy Wonder was assaulted on a street in the town of Musselburgh last Friday night. He called the cops and along with his father and a group of friends, who all were also in costume, chased his assailant, who ran into a Tesco market. There the masked crusaders and the men and women in blue cornered the attacker in the toilet paper aisle, where after a brief skirmish he was arrested...and all the disturbed products promptly re-shelved.

A police spokesperson told the BBC:

"A 21-year-old man was arrested and charged in connection with an assault in Eskview Road, Musselburgh, on Friday 1 November. He was remanded in custody until Monday 4th November, where he appeared in court and pled guilty to the offense."

Wiz! Bam! Pow!

Mystery surrounds death of 37-year-old man who collapsed after opening ‘Pandora’s box’

A strange, and rather sad, story from Carlisle, England:

Jason Airey was found slumped unconscious by his parents in the bedroom of their Carlisle home in May this year. A box bearing the words ‘Pandora’s box’ was beside him.

An inquest into his death heard how no drugs were found in his system and the box – which bore the inscription in red letters – contained unused synthetic cannabis. Coroner Robert Chapman said a post mortem showed Jason’s heart had stopped beating, causing his organs to fail – but they would probably never know why. He never regained consciousness and died in the Cumberland Infirmary two days later.

His father, Dennis Airey, told the inquest that Jason had been in a happy mood when he returned to the family home in Crossways, Harraby, on May 2.

“He was just his normal self,” he said. “He had been shopping and said he was going upstairs to get changed.”

[A short while later he] found his son slumped on his knees, face down. Paramedics and an ambulance was called and Mr Airey started CPR, he said. The paramedics worked on Jason for an hour before he was taken to hospital.

His father said he found “a little packet” inside ‘Pandora’s box’ and thought it was cannabis but “it didn’t smell”. Mr Chapman said tests later revealed it was synthetic cannabis.

“I thought [the box] had just been opened,” Mr Airey said.

Mr Chapman said toxicology tests had found no trace of drugs in Jason’s system and ruled that he died of natural causes.

Was Britain’s great flood of 1607 a tsunami?

A one-off tsunami unleashing an irresistible force that left 2,000 dead or a powerful storm surge that caused a trail of devastating destruction around a coastline left vulnerable by inadequate defences?

That’s the question which has surrounded recent research on the Great Flood that was described as moving 'faster than a greyhound can run' when it hit Stuart Britain in 1607. Author Mike Hall revisits the conundrum in his new book The Severn Tsunami? The Story of Britain’s Greatest Natural Disaster. The book recounts how the brutal wave, over seven metres high, swept up the River Severn and flooded the lowland areas of South Wales, Gloucestershire, Somerset, and north Devon, killing thousands.

For centuries, those who survived called it an act of God, before modern scientific research began to delve into whether it was Britain’s first recorded tsunami. In order for a tsunami to occur, an earthquake has to happen below the seabed.

But if it was a tsunami, places including Brittany, Spain, Portugal and the west of Ireland should also have been affected, says Mr Hall. And though the evidence is not conclusive, Mr Hall believes the 1607 event was “probably” a storm surge...

But Mr Hall, from Redwick, Monmouthshire, admits that evidence that continues to support those who believe it was a tsunami comes from the 17th century chronicles and other written sources that tell of a “bright, sunny, cloudless day”. Conditions very far removed from those we would associate with a storm...

Professor Simon Haslett, of the University of Wales...believes the damage was caused by a tsunami, rather than high tides and severe storms.

The professor of physical geography has said descriptions in 17th century pamphlets of “huge and mighty hills of water” are more in keeping with a tsunami. He maintains there is evidence salt marshes were torn out of the Severn estuary in the early 17th century and only a tsunami would have the power to erode the coastline in this way. 

Source: Wales Online

Queen tried to use state poverty fund to heat Buckingham Palace, but government thought it probably wouldn't look good

They're already welfare recipients, so why not? From The Independent:

The Queen asked ministers for a poverty handout to help heat her palaces but was rebuffed because they feared it would be a public relations disaster, documents disclosed under the Freedom of Information Act reveal.

Royal aides were told that the £60m worth of energy-saving grants were aimed at families on low incomes and if the money was given to Buckingham Palace instead of housing associations or hospitals it could lead to "adverse publicity" for the Queen and the Government.

Aides complained to ministers in 2004 that the Queen's gas and electricity bills, which had increased by 50 per cent that year, stood at more than £1m a year and had become "untenable".

The Royal Household also complained that the £15m government grant to maintain the Queen's palaces was inadequate. In search of more money-saving schemes, the Queen's deputy treasurer wrote to the Department for Culture, Media and Sport to ask whether the Royal Household would be eligible for a grant to replace four combined heat and power (CHP) units at Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle.

He asked: "Community Energy can fund up to 40 per cent of the capital costs of implementing a community heating scheme... Since we are already grant-in-aid funded [the Queen receives £15m a year for the upkeep of her palaces] we would like to know whether the Household [would] be able to benefit from these grants. I look forward to your comments."

Under this scheme administered by the Environment department, schools, hospitals, councils and housing associations have been awarded £60m for heating programmes which benefit people on low incomes.

Taxpayers already contribute £38m to pay for the Royal Family. Yet some of the buildings which would have benefited from the energy grant were occupied by minor royals living in grace and favour accommodation on the royal estates. Surprisingly the Government offered no resistance to the proposed application and cleared the way for the Queen to take advantage of the handout.

But by August 2004 the documents show that Whitehall officials had changed their minds and poured cold water on the whole idea. In an email sent to the Palace it was diplomatically explained that the funds were aimed at people on "low incomes".

The official wrote: "I think this is where the Community Energy Funding is directed and ties in with most allocations going to community heating schemes run by local authorities, housing associations, universities etc. I also feel a bit uneasy about the probable adverse press coverage if the Palace were given a grant at the expense of say a hospital. Sorry this doesn't sound more positive."

Discount store threatens to ban woman for taking photos of a tacky $5 Christmas sweater

The Christmas kitsch that started all the trouble.

Primark is an Irish clothing retailer, operating in Austria, Belgium, Germany, Ireland, Portugal, Spain, the Netherlands and the United Kingdom. It sells clothes at the budget end of the market. Its main competition is that of other cut-price clothing retailers; such as supermarket lines.

Think Target or K-Mart quality.

Recently a Primark shopper in South East London was told she was banned from the store for taking a photo with her cell phone of the awful sweater shown above. 

According to News Shopper, 25 year-old "Jade-Marie Harman popped into the Bexleyheath Broadway store 'on the off chance' when she stumbled across the clothing store’s latest range of festive clothing."

Harman told the paper, "I thought they were so cheap at £3 so I took a picture to show my friend. The next thing I know, I hear a voice shout ‘you can't take photos in here, it's against the law.’

"She said she was a floor manager and said if I carry on taking photos I'll be banned from the store. I explained as to why I took the photo and that I was purchasing the items anyway."

Probably due to that warm customer service, Harman actually bought not one but two of the ghastly items

Harman recounted the rest of the story: "When I got out the lift a massive security guard came up to me and said ‘you need to come with me for a moment.’

"Everyone around me was looking at me because they think I have nicked something.

 "He said ‘you are banned from Primark.’

"I was crying my eyes out. There was snot coming out my nose in the middle of the street - I felt like the scum of the earth."

(By the way, nice touch about the snot, Jade-Marie!)

"So many people go out shopping and think ‘I will show my mum that’ or they Facebook the pictures. I just saw this Christmas jumper with Mr Christmas on the front of it. I just thought it was a bargain and it was really cute."

According to Hartman, after an hour of arguing, she finally got to speak with the store manager who apologized to her and lifted the store ban before it could even begin.

(How do they enforce those store bans anyway? Post banned-shopper mug shots at all entrances?)

Harman sans snot outside Primark in Bexleyheath.

News Shopper also reported that a Primark spokesman was unavailable to comment. That's understandable. I'm sure they'd all like to forget the ugly incident  – especially the image of a snot-nosed Hartman  in the middle of the street.

Not pretty.

Man who nearly drowned in sea ‘probably saved by beers,’ paramedics say, but coast guard insist 'don’t go swimming if you have been drinking'

Conflicting messages from authorities in Kent, England:

A man left close to death after leaping from the Herne Bay pier into the sea may have been saved by the eight beers he drank before jumping.

He and a pal stripped to their underwear and plunged into the cold water after a drinking session. But the foolish pair had to be rescued by emergency crews after struggling for 45 minutes to get ashore. 

One of the men was pulled to safety with a life ring by police, while the other, who had lost consciousness, was dragged in by coastguard deputy station manager Matt Stickels. He says the hapless duo are lucky to be alive.

“They were so cold and had been in the water for about 45 minutes. If someone hadn’t thrown in the life rings, then in my experience it would’ve ended in a fatality.

“I went in to get the second man because I didn’t know how long it would take for the lifeboat to arrive. He had had eight cans of beer. The paramedics said that it probably kept him alive, because his body had slowed down so much that it might have helped him.

“He was in an unconscious state. The ambulance team had to be careful and keep him horizontal because he was prone to a heart attack.

“We want to get across the important warning – don’t go swimming if you have been drinking.”

Wait, now I get it: don't go swimming if you've been drinking unless you've had enough to keep you unconscious until the coast guard and paramedics arrive.

Source: Kent Online

Baby abandoned in Birmingham named Jade after dog that found her (Video)

This video clip of baby Jade was released by the West Midlands Police. Here's the story from the BBC:

Jade, who has been named by hospital staff, was found in a bag wrapped in a towel at a community park in Stechford, Birmingham, on Thursday afternoon. The girl, who weighs about 6lbs (2.7kg), remains in hospital and should make a full recovery over the next two days, West Midlands Police said.

Roger Wilday, whose German shepherd dog found Jade, said he was proud of her. The baby was thought to be about 24 hours old when she was found at about 14:00 GMT on Thursday and believed to have been there for about 30 minutes before being discovered...

Mr Wilday said he had been walking Jade the dog when the animal was attracted to some bushes in the park off Stuarts Road..

"I was just coming back [out of the park] and Jade went to some bushes and she wouldn't come back to me... I went to look and saw a carrier bag in the bushes and it moved," he said.
"I thought, 'what's that?' and heard a cry and so I looked in the bag and it was a baby in there."...

After making the discovery, he contacted a friend who called the police. Mr Wilday was told by them to pick the baby up and he was then met by officers in the park.

Roger Wilday said it very "lucky" his dog found the baby when she did

"If she had been there overnight, I think she might have died... I think my dog saved the baby's life. I'm very proud of her."

He appealed to the mother to come forward and contact police and said he hoped to visit Jade in the coming days.

Bus ads featuring zombies investigated after complaints they are too scary

Apparently there are a bunch of scaredy cats in West Sussex, England this Halloween:

A Halloween bus advertisement for the Tulleys Farm Shocktober Fest featuring a zombie covered in blood has been criticised for being too scary.

The Advertising Standards Authority is investigating the banner, which is on the side of more than 100 buses, to see if any rules have been broken after receiving several complaints.

The advert, for the visitor attraction in Turners Hill, Crawley, West Sussex, can be seen on buses travelling through Crawley, Croydon and Kingston upon Thames, as well as Tunbridge Wells in Kent.

Stuart Beare, organiser of the Tulleys Farm Shocktober Fest event, said they had not intended to offend anyone with the advert.

He said: "The image of the zombie girl on our advertising is no worse than many images you'll see at this time of year in newspapers and magazines, on the Halloween costumes in the supermarket aisles and even on kids' TV programmes."

I've seen scarier in my bathroom mirror after a night on the town.

Source: The Argus